Lately, it seems my lesson has been about the above.
When I perceive someone to mean one thing I have discovered it isn't always correct, it is how I interpret it.
I was feeling self conscious and hesitant with what I planned to do because certain situations have made me feel alone with my perceptions. Part of my past experience with what I know now to be compassion fatigue, was feeling misunderstood. I have spent so much time trying to do the right thing and feeling frustrated when others didn't understand what I meant or they didn't give me the feedback I wanted.
I have strayed from my path. I have to remind myself it is not about what others think or their response to me or my ideas. That is my ego wanting validation.
I know there needs to be more compassion in the world.
I know there needs to be more understanding about how compassion fatigue must be addressed in an ongoing conversation. I feel responsible to continue this conversation. If we don't support the people whose compassionate work is hurting them at any level, we are hurting our community. We have so many people in their jobs just showing up or what my sister calls "quit and stay", just getting there without really being there. There are many who are not able to show up at all. In my opinion, many things happened on the way to that place and we have to recognize it is not always within someone's control to identify what may be happening to them. I know I certainly did some unproductive things, not understanding these were symptoms of a bigger problem. The passive aggressive actions, hoping to get noticed.
There have been many times when I haven't put in a full week. With sick time, vacation, stats, etc., I wasn't there to do my job. What does that say about my work or where I am in my head to do it? Should I be doing it?? It's not about whether I can take the time, it is whether I should in order to do my job and serve the people I am hired to serve?
I know my best today is not my best tomorrow but am I trying my best every day? What do I need to do that and who is responsible for making sure I get what I need?
My intention is to give my best. The perception of others may not be the same.
Does that matter?